Edit: Someone commented on a previous post something like, “wow you’ve had a lot of wins lately.” My gut reaction was, “but man, I struggle a lot sometimes, too.” I’m very grateful for all of y’all’s support and encouragement but decided to post this in an attempt to show that I’m real. It’s easy to make a blog seem like all rainbows and sunshine, but that’s not real life and that was never my intent. The stupid IRS thing is still plaguing me, and the awesome job promotion has come with its fair share of stress.
HERE IT IS. THE TRUTH.
I’m starting a new job in January and I’m very happy to have gotten it. But a lot of factors surrounding it are stressing me out.
REAL LIFE STUFF:
Let me get one thing out of the way. I HATE moving. I’m a pretty calm and patient person naturally, but moving causes me some pretty serious anxiety. A few of you have mentioned that you love moving, and do so often for various reasons, but… I’m not like that.
I’m very much a homebody, I think because I moved so many times in my younger years. I went to a boarding school for the last two years of high school. In college, I lived alone in apartment-style dorms all 4 years. That was six years straight of fully moving IN every August and OUT every May. After college I moved back in with my mom and 8 months later moved in with some friends. That was what? At least 14 moves in 6 years.
I was very happy to finally have that house with my friends and to be able to stay put for 4 years. I absolutely loved sharing that house with friends. They were some of my best friends, and it was a big, beautiful house, too. We called it “The Fofo.”
But then I got married and Michael and I moved into a tiny apartment together. That was a particularly difficult move. We moved out of our respective domiciles, put all our stuff in storage, and were basically homeless for a month–mostly because we got married in Mexico and then honeymooned in Peru. The following month we moved all our stuff out of storage and into the new apartment.
Well, it was a rough transition for me. All that moving… The excitement of the wedding over, and a gazillion lovely gifts (for which I am very thankful) to put somewhere… And going back to work after a wonderful month off. Well, all our stuff was in boxes at the new apartment (which is TINY btw) and I remember just sitting there and crying. “I don’t know where anything belongs.” Just typing this and recalling that dread makes my stomach sink. My mom, Michael, my cousin Francisco and my Aunt Barbara basically did all the unpacking in one fell swoop while I sat there in tears.
I’m by no means proud of this. I’m grateful that I have such a loving family who takes care of me. In fact, they kind of did everything for me. I guess that’s the nature of anxiety. Sometimes it’s inexplicable. But I swore that day that I would not move again until we were buying our “forever house.”
Well, I’m facing the facts. That’s not realistic.
Here I am with an awesome new job in Houston. It’s temporary, but my hope is that I’ll land something permanent after that. When I called my Aunt Barbara to tell her I got the job in Houston she said, “I’ll come help you move!” I’m so lucky to have such a wonderful family.
But right now it’s not necessary. For these six months I’m going to be staying as a guest in my brother-in-law’s house, and I’ll be back and forth to New Orleans to visit Michael, so it doesn’t feel like a real move.
But I have to prepare myself for the very real possibility that after the six months are up I’ll get a corporate job either there in Houston, or Alpharetta, GA, or Basking Ridge, NJ. Those are where the main hubs are for this company. I’ll be really moving then, at the end of July. Or if I fail at getting a new job, I’ll head back home with my tail between my legs…
TO BE HONEST: THE FINANCIALS
I’m scared to face the financial implications of all this. For these six months, all my bills and spending should stay the same, except I’ll be adding in travel back and forth from Houston to New Orleans.
A round trip drive should cost about… Well, 350 miles each way, at 30 mpg roughly, and gas costing approximately $2.60/gal… About $60. Not bad! It’s 6 hours each way, so have to factor in wear and tear on the cars, and the cost of our time.
A round trip flight on Spirit Airlines will cost $82 or $95. The flight is an hour, have to be at the airport an hour early, so for $22 or $35 more we’d save a total of 8 hours in travel time. Worth it.
So here I am, adding $190 into an already tight budget. I can cut costs a little by slashing the eating out category and committing to eating in as much as possible. Since I won’t know many people, or my way around, I think this should be easy.
But I want to join a gym, too. This is important to me. I’ve done a little research on this, but will make a final decision once I get there. Online I saw a good gym that’s near where I’ll be living with membership at $34/mo. Okay so we’re up to $224/mo added.
I can reduce my credit card payments to the minimums to balance this out and continue to live credit card free. It’ll push my debt-free date back a bit, but my alternative would be to keep payments high and… Use credit. No point in that.
We’ll be alright.
But then I come back around to that lingering “big move.” I don’t want to not move after six months. That’ll mean I failed at getting a permanent position after this internship and that I’m back in my old retail spot. This is a possibility, but I don’t want to consider it. I’m hoping to break up with retail for good!
If I do get a permanent position, I’d hope it’d come with a pay raise. And a relocation package. I guess that would help with the cost of the move, finding a new place to live, etc, but I don’t want to fall into the trap of assuming I’ll have more money before I know for sure. I have no idea how much money I’d need for the move. I guess if they offer me a permanent position with the same pay as what I’m making now, I might as well come back to retail and my super cheap apartment.
Realistically, would I feel like a failure at that point? I will have gotten great experience for which I’ll be thankful. I’m torn between setting my sights on change, and being content with what I have.
Man. It’s a lot to think about and I’m stressing. There are so many unknowns–all I can do is my best, and roll with what comes.
Thanks for reading and letting me think out loud.